COLONIALISM POISONS ALL MY THOUGHTS

I am burning the thought, the insanity,

of singing on the moon today,

singing from the moon to the planet Earth,
singing to the whole of the Universe,

speaking-singing of my desire

for the freedom of my people from Europeans,

for the end of Europeans enslaving my people

on our lands,
enslaving my people to make Europeans wealthy
from the resources of our continent.

Yes, I have burnt that idea of speaking-singing
on the moon, speaking-singing to the Earth
and to the Universe
as impractical, even as fantasy
to calm my anxious existence.

I have moved on to more concrete actions.

I have spent the day burning
the memories of the times when I was ignorant,
as in the photo of this blog,

when I was a fully colonized "mestizo" child,
and ignorant to the core of my existence.

I am burying some of that pain from my childhood,
and I am burning all the rest,
burning it to ashes.

I am doing that today
with anything that even smells of
colonialism.

I am emptying out my heart
of my past ignorant thoughts,

of the things that poisoned the heart of my youth,

of the things that are still poisoning my heart

today.
I am emptying it as fast as I can.
I fear I will not finish before the day I die.

I am getting lost a bit in this burning
of my colonized self.

I am lost in this vast destructive war
on my past ignorance.

Colonialism and white supremacy scream,

still want me to be quiet, to be insignificant
and do nothing that will endanger
the roots to the ongoing extermination of my people.

I am expected to live on my knees without actions
against colonialism, against evil, against white supremacy,
against the genocide of our people.
I am expected

to sit silent like all the rest, to live and die in genocide.

I have found anger and hate enough in my life

by learning the truths of our history
and by finding the enlightenments
that set the path to our liberation through
Nican Tlaca education.

I now live only to take me

to take actions
against the Europeans,

as my present scholar warrior self.

I am able to have courage
because I know my people
were a people of courage and genius
and a people of great knowledge
a people of great accomplishments
before the 1492 invasions began.

I exist in my cautious self

today, not trusting myself,

because my heart

and my mind 

are still being held
in some corners and and some parts of my heart
by white supremacy and colonialism.
I am held

too dangerously tight

to the ugliest 

and most vile poisons

of colonialism:
the fear that we can never be free
and the fear that we can never recover
from the evils that Europeans have done to us.

Yes, today

I am being too much on the thought of "being";

thinking of me and my people 

being slaves of Europeans

and it angers me to the point of hate,
and this hate is good: it is a hate of evil,

a hate for all of what they have done to us.

That fear and that good hate
is why today I have to put these thoughts
to keyboard and to screen
and to some permanence
here in this place
to show that I am still
a thinker, a scholar, and a warrior
for my Nican Tlaca Nation.

 RECOMMENDED BOOKS

(Read in this order, please)

1 Daily Life of the Aztecs by Jacques Soustelle

2 Mexico by Michael Coe

3 Maya by Michael Coe

4 American Holocaust by David E. Stannard

5 American Indian Contributions to the World by

Emory Dean Keoke & Kay Marie Porterfield